I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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