i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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