i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize