You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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