Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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