The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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