you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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