Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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