pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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