i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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