Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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