Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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