he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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