Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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