So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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