Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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