I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you never un-have a 4some
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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