I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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