he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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