fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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