I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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