I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize