I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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