I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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