Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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