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News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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