my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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