I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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