"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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