you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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