If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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