Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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