I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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