So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's like iHOP with fire
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize