I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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