I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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