just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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