Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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