Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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