I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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