ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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