I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize