At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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