i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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