I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize