You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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