It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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