12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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