I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize