Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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