i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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